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Based on an analysis of family relationships, the author presents a general investigation of modernity. In his opinion, the tensions and uncertainties of present day educational relationships are linked to unstable interferences between two kinds of normativity, one based on authority and obedience, characteristic of pre-modern times, the other negotiation within specific contexts, indispensable to an individualistic ethos. Nowadays, the normative dilemma confronts both the authoritarian and the cooperative standard. Even though it is clear that the concept of unquestioned authority has been seriously undermined, the remedy does not in turn lie in undermining our relationship-based standards and depicting them as the source of all evil. We must refuse the false dilemma between moral and psychological standards, between those based on unquestioned authority and those focused on the individual, and learn to uphold both ends of the standards governing behavior and relationships.