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The author retraces his experience as a participant observer in a geriatric hospital. He shows how he had to integrate death into his reflection and how a discussion he had with a patient led him to question himself about his relation to research and to clarify his research object. Using a methodology that makes room for subjectivity he develops a conception of death agony related to end-of-life trajectories, i.e. characterized by a tearing apart between life and death.