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The author traces the role of psychoanalytic writing in working through her countertransference response to a colleague's sexual boundary violation, including her countertransference to the profession of psychoanalysis and her identity as an analyst. The author's preoccupation with detective fiction is seen as reflecting a budding cynicism towards psychoanalysis deriving from the narcissistic injury involved in traumatic de-idealization of the profession engendered by the transgression. Reading a psychoanalytic text (review of de Urtubey) served as a mutative interpretation, linking the cynicism to a hatred of psychoanalysis reflecting the transgressor's and initiating a reparative movement from symbolic equation to symbolization (Segal) that included writing a psychoanalytic paper.