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What are the criteria of respectability required from gays and lesbians in spaces where they are particularly integrated? Based on fieldwork in two neighborhoods of Paris and New York City, this paper shows that keeping sexuality at a distance plays a central role in the American city, where familial homosexuality is both celebrated and surveilled. While married gays and lesbians gain respectability in both countries, the spirit of protest is still not appreciated in the French capital, particularly for lesbians. The categories which refer to the lesbians who are accepted, especially through the question of appearance, fuel a strong suspicion. In contrast, stigmas attached to masculine homosexuality, like “femininity”, can be alleviated when they are seen by middle- and upper-class heterosexuals as an element of cultural capital.